Last Spring Equinox I started my journey of ‘living a year with intention’. It’s funny how when we start things they never really go as we thought they would. That was this year.
Overall, this year was intentional, and it was slowly lived through, not the slow, soulful, stretched like honey kind, more like the ‘is it over yet?’ anxiety filled, ‘am I doing it right?’ type, where it can’t end fast enough but it feels like it’s taking forever and you’ve gotten nowhere, type.
This year I am not less hopeful, or less wonder filled without a twinkle in my eye, I am just more compassionate towards my natural way of wanting to charge and rush, juxtaposed with the rhythm of my current life circumstances.
I realize that my actual way of living and my idea of how I wanted my life to look were two different things.
The silver lining is that I opened up the door to the idea that I hold the power over creating what I envision and just realizing that was enough for one whole year’s worth of ‘not doing it as quickly as I’d hoped’.
I realized some major things, your values are the corner stones of your world and you have to first choose what yours are and build your world on top of them. Not the other way around.
You cannot build before you know what materials are best just as you cannot fly when you are still a caterpillar.
Yet here we are all.the.time. trying to do just that.
The cocoon stage of anything is never comfortable, especially in this case where I thought I was already a butterfly to mistakenly find that I didn’t go through the slimy mutation of a tightly wrapped encapsulation.
Fun.
So, here we are, at it again.
Tending to the same garden hoping to see some of the seeds I thought I planted,1 or 2 years prior, start popping through the topsoil.
The thing is you need deep roots holding down the other end of the force pushing forward. And we forget that because we usually don’t see them.
When I review my visions from last Pisces season compared to my visions of this Pisces season some of them are the exact same from last year, meaning, they were indeed not achieved and still mean something to have made it right back on the list as if 365 days have not just happened.
That can feel like failure for sure, like I’m just not capable of doing what I set out to do.
AND it can also be an opportunity to throw some compassion at yourself, take a beat and reassess what WAS achieved and WHY what wasn’t, wasn’t.
Sometimes we see the blessing in the WHY NOT.
And sometimes we get a do over only now, better equipped.
It’s like the story of the person who wasn’t ready but got what they wanted too soon (however that story goes, but you know the one).
They weren’t ready to hold what they were going to receive so they lost it.
THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE- are my first thoughts.
Then, be willing to be patient.
Build your muscles.
Prepare the grounds.
Become the one for the THING, whatever it is.
This is how I’m choosing to look at yearly setbacks, this year and for all the years to come, not as failure to achieve but as an INTENTIONALLY timed unfolding, that sometimes you can’t make happen with only your own might.
You have to wait for the timing and the people and the spaces, whatever it needs, for it to all align.
So, if your visions haven’t quite lined up yet and what you thought you’d be doing by now isn’t fully developed, don’t give up on it, or do if it no longer aligns, but either way keep taking the ACTION steps in either direction as little as they may seem.
This is what I am telling myself and maybe this will help you too. Real life timelines aren’t always predictable and in some cases for reasons unforeseen to our benefit. This could be a good memo to hold on to going into eclipse season as well, things really get shaken up around these times, lots of course corrections and uncomfortable-ness, like the tight wrapping goo of a cocoon, not cozy but magically transformational.
May the March winds gust you into the spring while the portal of initiation opens + may you hold compassion for yourself, taking action on the way to your dreams.
>><<
Nicole
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