Come with me for ‘A Year on Purpose’
Are you intentional?
Do you wake up in the morning and fall into habit immediately? I did.
I was not intentional majority of my life, I believe we call this ‘living on autopilot’. When you are distracted OR focused on goals it can be easy to not be intentionally present. Over the past few years, I’ve become more aware of well, awareness. Self-awareness, the way I see it, is the greatest empowerment tool I’ve tapped into and with that your daily living becomes unavoidably intentional. Along with intention comes self-responsibility. You realize that if you are not showing up how you’d like to and you are not creating what you really desire then you have the ability to respond in a way that will.
This brings me to how I developed the concept of ‘a year on purpose’.
I thought ‘hmm, I know I need accountability and some structure (I can lack that) so why don’t I write about my experience through the seasons this year, starting with the new year, spring equinox. I go through the year exploring how I want to experience each holiday or season of each part of the year.
So…here is some insight to lightly sketch where I am starting this journey of the year. I am newly separated from my husband whom I have been with since I was 18 years old. We share a 1 ½ year old daughter, the light of our lives, she truly is a culmination of the love he and I have for eachother in human form. I never thought about much of my life intentionally before my Saturn return, just after I tied the knot in 2017. Not long after, in October of 2019, my father was diagnosed with cancer and only 5 months later the entire world shut down for COVID. COVID alone was a total shit show and I don’t have to go into how that went, you all lived through it, I will only add that one of my gigs is teaching and it got tricky and impractical during that time. It has imparted lasting effects on the students that still echo through society. In between that time and now March 2023, an entire book that I would call ‘Death of the Maiden, Rise of the Creatrix’ could be written. And, well, I probably will write that book, so just note the title is claimed by moi. I miscarried and got pregnant again in the latter half of 2020, literally finding out I was pregnant with my now daughter on the winter solstice that year.
My father’s condition grew worse after many trials and tribulations with treatment for a cancer that was claimed by the doctors to be ‘the most treatable kind’, a doctor actually said “If you get a cancer diagnosis, let’s just say this is the one you want to be diagnosed with”. First of all, WTF! Yeah, doctors actually say stuff like that..moving on.
I gave birth to a healthy and beautiful girl in late summer of 2021, 1 month after the first harvest and only 2 weeks after my father left us earth side. I feared desperately that I’d have post-partum depression because of the grief and just everything up to that point, as well as my mother having a history with it herself. I’m not sure if I had post-partum depression but if I had to guess I don’t think I did. I was grieving my father and I did have some significant bouts of post-partum anxiety as I saw it to be then. I think it was also my body/womb speaking to me very loudly at the time, warning me to pause, to look, to feel. It was to me, body wisdom. I don’t want to get too deep into details of everything leading up to me being here, on my own for the first time since I was 18 years old, and I wont. I just wanted to catch up anyone reading as to why going through the cycle of the year, THIS year, would be significant for me.
My intention
It is a reclamation if you will, of THE year, the sacred ceremony of each season and holiday done so with intention, my way (whatever that means-guess we’ll be uncovering that!) for the first time ever. I’d like to take this time to share a quick bit of information about myself with you. My intention for this blog thread ‘A year on Purpose’ and my intentions for my blog in general.
Here’s my disclaimer: I am a person, a human, with a heart and a mind and a spirit and a las, an ego. I am not a brand, I am not selling myself or my story in anyway.
I do have a brand name, dream_n.joy LLC and I do offer services and products, but I am a human first, one who values evolution and freedom highly. One who encourages people to be who they are and take what they need and leave the rest. Go forth and collect your ‘soul finds’ and make of them what you will. Just as it is said about art, it is not up to the artist in how the viewer receives their work and yet they still need to make their art. I cannot, nor do I want to, control how you receive my thoughts but know I will make mistakes because I am human and I am not meant to be idolized or chastised, I am not meant to be projected on, though as we know, most of us will be throughout our lives. I just say this to remind you to read my words with kindness and wisdom and if you do relate to any of it and it helps you feel ‘not alone’ then I find purpose in sharing it here. My intention is to inspire courage in you to be who you are, to create the life you intentionally mean to no matter how long it takes you to realize what that is.
My intention is to showcase that growth in life is possible and change is beautiful, and just like any cycle, opportunities will come around again and all the work does not have to be completed at one time.
With that being said, tradition has always been a thing I was curious about. Why is it that we practice certain things the way that we do? Have you ever asked yourself that? Like, WHY do we do it (fill in the blank) that way around (fill in the holiday)? I saw a meme awhile back that said, ‘tradition is just peer-pressure from dead people’. I mean, it is a meme because it resonates! And it was funny because the kid was the one telling his mom that this is what tradition meant. The mother laughed and shared what her son said because she said, ‘Well, dang! I guess it is huh?!’ so as I go through the year, I will be opening up about the different traditions I may or may not practice and explore what I actually want to do for each season.
Marching on...
Here we are in the spring equinox on March 20th, 2023. This can be considered the true beginning of the year. This is the astrological new year. With that said, I never enjoyed spring weather. Being an art student for so many years lugging my paintings and portfolios on a windy day was my own personal hell. I just did not vibe with the spring. My hair whipping around and getting stuck in my lip gloss, a hassle when your hands are full. The tease of it all, it was hot, cold, hot, cold-bleh, “not for me” I would say.
Well, it may have taken awhile but I have made peace with the weather of spring. I have now connected to myself on a deeper level through this process of cycling through the seasons in a more intentional way. This will be the 3rd spring where I have really paid attention (yes, I started in 2020, because who did not start some kind of woke journey that year?) I paid attention to the weather, the earth, the ground, the plants and trees, the animals. I paid attention to the folklore, the stories and of course, the stars. Nature was calling to me and I listened with an open heart. I wanted to understand on a deeper level how it was that we were connected to the cycles of nature, the moon, the stars, planets, and seasons. I wanted to study the patterns and feel the connection. And I did, and still do each season, each moon cycle, and each significant transit a planet takes through my natal chart.
Creating with intention
One of the ways I connect with the seasons and cycles is through what I call creating with intention. I would see where the moon and significant transits were in their astrological cycle, what signs they were traversing as well as what season of the year we were experiencing, and I would do something creative in honor of that moment in time that intentionally aligned with the current energy. I would create a craft or a piece of art or set up an outing, meeting, or experience. Sometimes I’d do it alone and other times I’d gather with friends, sisters and soul sisters alike and we would create and reflect together. If you are familiar with moon circles it is similar to that and different. It really was unique to me and what I intended to create with the inspiration of the energy at hand. At the time I sold ‘craft moon manuals’ so that anyone who wanted to join the journey could do so along with us. I am not selling or creating them currently, but I still have my own reflections and creation practices. I feel that I wanted to really enjoy and be present in this season of life and not have to create on a ‘have to’ or ‘bi-monthly’ basis as I was when making those moon manuals. Maybe one day I’ll do it again but for now I’d rather go with how I feel, still intentional but less strict planning, so I can really feel into the season as it unfolds. As I move through each season, I’ll share my thoughts on my experience, until then xo
n.joy,
N
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